I installed a dishwasher today to replace the one that failed and ruined our kitchen floor. Installing a dishwasher is easy, in principle. So is giving yourself a root canal, in principle. After all, there are only three connections - water, drain, and electricity (well, five if you count each of the three wires).

Now, if you plan to do this yourself, here's a suggestion for preparing your body. Have someone tie each of your limbs into a fantastically awkward position, then stuff your head and half your torso into a very small box. Then repeatedly bang your head against the box (ideally until callouses form on your scalp). Now with a half-dead flashlight, repeatedly assemble and disassemble several types of pipes and hose clamps inside the box. After practicing like this for a few days, you should be ready to tackle the real thing.

For more realism, you can breathe some intensely moldy air for a few hours, have a dog nipping at your ears, and try to respond to a five-year old's questions about why her computer game is not working (for those who don't have one handy, five-year olds can be found at any neighborhood park, and can probably be borrowed with their parents' eager permission for an hour or two).

After the installation comes the nerve-wracking part: checking for leaks. For some reason when I do plumbing, my drain connections ALWAYS leak, whereas my high-pressure inlet connections never do. Such was the case today. On the first run, I had water gushing out of the connection between two sections of drain line. I finally fixed it with brute force applied to a hose clamp, but I still had to keep monitoring all the connections for leaks for hours, and I probably will keep worrying for a week.

Motrin is really missing the boat - they should have a display in Home Depot right next to the dishwasher installation accessories. Anyway, the dishwasher seems to be working OK - for now.